Protein Plan Ponderer Gifts

'Oops. I just lost my sense of humor.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

Totalitarian Humour

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

Progress?

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

'What we must decide is if there is an accidental nuclear explosion which wipes out this entire part of the country, do we pass the cost on to the consumer?'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

'Congratulations. Your old bloated 401K is now valued as a lean, mean 199F!'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

'The money you've saved to last through your old age is gone and, h-hh-m...you're still here!'

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'