God's Plan Ponderer Gifts

"Trump's election victory was intended by God!"

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"What's your favorite planet, Randy?" "There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vista... all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets." "You know, Pandora is not a real planet." "I'm talking about Earth, you... Do you ever go outside?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'Please take your receipt!'

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

'I say we try it.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

"I don't see HIS name on it."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Scientists agree the universe is expanding - Mendenhall is trying to find out where the financing is coming from.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'Confusionism'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Jesus wept

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

"How long has he been missing?"

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

The End is Near.