Divine Plan Ponderer Gifts

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

"I don't see HIS name on it."

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Scientists agree the universe is expanding - Mendenhall is trying to find out where the financing is coming from.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Jesus wept

On the seventh day the ideation got a little heated.

'What did He do before he was God?'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

Heavenly meetings.

Various Birds of Pray.

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

Noah falls asleep by counting animal pairs.

'Entropy already? You just made it.'

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

'Now THERE'S a friendship I've never quite understood. That's Ludwig van Beethoven on the left, with Harvey Fernquist, the inventor of telephone 'hold' music!'

"....and next we have a same-sex goose couple with a civil rights attorney pair."

'Don't look now, but Cain and Abel messed up your 'Natural Selection' program.'

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

"I loved the good old days, …. 'better dead than red'."

"Did you do all of this for me?"

"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."

"That's just so God."