Divine Destiny Ponderer Gifts

"So, you always thought when they said, 'It'll go on your oermanent record,' they were talking about school records?"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

"I'll have dessert first."

'I say we try it.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Fortune teller sees impending doom

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

'What did He do before he was God?'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

Jesus wept

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

The End is Near.

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

A self-filling prophecy.

Self Service Island

Sun crashing into sea foils rescue attempt.

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

Descartes's Demon

'Dang, that reminds me...I've gotta get back and post an entry on my blog.'

'And that's your idea of a desk calendar...'