Property Renting Gifts

If it's a really good deal, don't ask why. You don't want to know.

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'For Sale by Neighbor'

An exaggeration of estate agents

Mouse real estate!

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

Tenants Wanted: "We're in luck, boys!"

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

House hunting is cruel.

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

UP Again: Housing Prices.

"Full central heating and hardwood floors throughout, the flat also benefits from being close to all major transport routes."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

For Sale By Owner

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

"I told you he was a motivated seller.

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

'Want a new house? Time to start groveling again.'