Property Rental Gifts

"...when it comes to property, it's location, location, location! That's why we charge three times more for it!"

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Mouse real estate!

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

An exaggeration of estate agents

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

Tenants Wanted: "We're in luck, boys!"

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

UP Again: Housing Prices.

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"I used to live here. Now I make a fortune renting it out on Airbnb."

"Anything in Mr, Rogers' neighborhood?"

For Sale By Owner

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

"Sorry son, I rented out your room to backpackers on Airbnb."

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"I told you he was a motivated seller.

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'