Rental Services Gifts

"It'll have to be your place. I Airbnb'd myself out of my apartment tonight."

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

House hunting is cruel.

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

The lessor of two evils.

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

"Sign here, initial here, rassle Zeke for the keys and you're all set."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

"Well, thank God it's not the plumbing! Let's run down town, drop off a check and sign that lease!!"

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

"Just to let you know - we're putting up your rent again..."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'

"Look! It's the Buy-to-let brigade."