Rental Services Gifts

"It'll have to be your place. I Airbnb'd myself out of my apartment tonight."

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"When we're not hibernating, I've gone ahead and listed our cave as an Airbnb."

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Sorry son, I rented out your room to backpackers on Airbnb."

"Airbnb?"

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"Sign here, initial here, rassle Zeke for the keys and you're all set."

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

The lessor of two evils.

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

"Well, thank God it's not the plumbing! Let's run down town, drop off a check and sign that lease!!"

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

Airport Terminal. Rental Cars. That self-driving vehicle is waiting for us to go first. It's a courtesy van!

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"Just to let you know - we're putting up your rent again..."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'