Rental Life Gifts

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Airbnb?"

"Sorry son, I rented out your room to backpackers on Airbnb."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

The lessor of two evils.

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

Airport Terminal. Rental Cars. That self-driving vehicle is waiting for us to go first. It's a courtesy van!

"Well, thank God it's not the plumbing! Let's run down town, drop off a check and sign that lease!!"

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"Looks like rent-a-mob's arrived."

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'