Renting Properties Gifts

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

Tenants Wanted: "We're in luck, boys!"

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

House hunting is cruel.

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Full central heating and hardwood floors throughout, the flat also benefits from being close to all major transport routes."

"I used to live here. Now I make a fortune renting it out on Airbnb."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

The lessor of two evils.

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Water is included with rent.'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'I'm not sure we'll be able to sell your property. Since all this talk of global warming, the north pole isn't the prime location it once was.'

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

Airport Terminal. Rental Cars. That self-driving vehicle is waiting for us to go first. It's a courtesy van!

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"Well, thank God it's not the plumbing! Let's run down town, drop off a check and sign that lease!!"