Programming-phobic Gifts

I.T. Fear

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

The Computer Bore

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Evolution.

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"He loves his computer but it's a love that's not returned."

Obsession with the Internet.

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."