Programming-phobic Gifts

I.T. Fear

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

The Computer Bore

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"Google car."

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

Evolution.

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Obsession with the Internet.

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"He loves his computer but it's a love that's not returned."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"