Goal-phobic Gifts

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

I.T. Fear

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Champions league'

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

Hello, Susie, it's R

'Don't try to sweet talk me, Eddie! You had your chance yesterday! We are through!'

Targets

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

Truthfully, I'm just a frustrated insurance agent …

The Goal Post-Impressionists,

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

"And you're telling me this because?"

'So OK. . . I should quit smoking, but I scratched that off my bucket list years ago!'

Been a while since I've seen such a high scoring game!

Bricklayers in goal.

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

Dating Death

'I was looking for a little stronger mission statement than that.'

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

Football

'Are you sure you want to save your marriage?'