Goal-phobic Gifts

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

I.T. Fear

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

'Champions league'

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

Targets

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

The Goal Post-Impressionists,

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

"And you're telling me this because?"

'So OK. . . I should quit smoking, but I scratched that off my bucket list years ago!'

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

Been a while since I've seen such a high scoring game!

Dating Death

Bricklayers in goal.

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

'I was looking for a little stronger mission statement than that.'

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"Or you could just give me half your stuff now and save us all the trouble."

'What d'you mean - you've changed your minds?'

'Are you sure you want to save your marriage?'