Professional Excuse Crafter Pillows

'Why can't I see the type of imagination you put in this excuse note in your school reports?'

Do it yourself books.

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

Homework flavored dog food

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

What happened to "will work for food"? Will write funny gags for food. You Fusco Brothers need funny gags way more than you need your lawn mowed.

Lame Lines

"I have to cancel our plans. I feel a headache coming on."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

Assignments Due. The Russians hacked my homework.

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"He's faking it to get out of school. Bring in his teacher and run some tests."

"My dog deleted my excuses app."

"C'mon. I've been saving for a rainy day.''

'Of course I've not dusted - you know I prefer a matt finish!'

"I figured by not doing my homework I'd lighten your workload by giving you one less paper to correct."

'Can you stop giving me homework, Miss...My dog's putting on weight.'

'It's a long story.'

"It was a huge topical depression bringing with it cyclonic winds, mountainous seas, severe flooding, and a damage bill of millions of dollars, mum!"

'Jogging's too dangerous for me. I tried it once, and I rear-ended a mailman.'

"The brakes still feel spongy to me."

My dog ate my flash drive, and that's where I stored my homework.

This smart phone comes with excuses for not keeping in touch with your mother.

I'm sorry, but my life is just way too complicated to start dating anybody right now. I have a part-time job, basic cable and a very demanding cactus plant. ! !

Homework: Bring Your Kitty To School. 'My dog ate my homework.'

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

'Sleeping at my desk? Uh, no, I was just buffering.'