Productivity Hacker Gifts

The plan to increase productivity by canceling coffee breaks flopped.

'Your report is organized, concise and error free...have you been monotasking again?'

"Well, no wonder they're more producive than us."

"You caught us at a bad time, Pete. This is our post-lunch slump."

"Wanna step outside for a sit break?"

"I'll tell you my secret for increasing productivity. That clock has been unplugged for half an hour."

"That's since we did away with coffee breaks and issued time release coffee patches to all employees."

Work Parfait

"The secret to my productivity is sleeping when everyone is awake."

"As you can see Sir, productivity has increased exponentially since we decided to provide the employees with free coffee..."

"From now on, all coffee will be caffeinated!"

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Stressed over time management

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

"This chart shows how well our new project software is working."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"The admin shouldn’t take more than 30 or 40 hours, then you’ll be free to get on with some work."

Out tray in office is the bin

"I never thought that this 'stress reduction training' would make the slightest difference!"

'Miss Harper, get me everything we have on fighting boredom.'

'The more festive I am, the more productive I get.'

"When I said sleep on the problem, I didn't mean here!"

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

"A scientific approach to generating excuses"

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"I wasn't getting any work done at home, so I thought I'd try somewhere hot, bright and uncomfortable."

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Time Is Money

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."