Production Designer Gifts

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

Broadway Theater coming productions. Look, they're bringing back a production of "Hair" with all the original cast members. It's going to be called "Bald".

Effects Dept - Ordinary/Special.

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"I'm sorry Spooner, I'm letting you go. Try to leave without making a scene."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

Crap from the future.

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

'Well, at least it has bubbles.'

I Pagliacci

Idle parts

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Sir Desmond Murgatroyd

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

An idea box in a shower

'Just as we finally get the industrial revolution down pat, we find ourselves in the middle of the electronic revolution.'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."