Stage Designer Gifts

A Scene From 'Henry V'.

David Hockney

'It's a Sam Shepard play with the usual props - burnt toast, live animals, and a penis or two.'

David Hockney

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

David Hockney

"I'm sorry Spooner, I'm letting you go. Try to leave without making a scene."

"We really need a bigger stage for the ridin' off into the sunset scene."

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

Tarnhelm

Turandot

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'They all want to play the star.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Falstaff

Tree house.

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!