Stagecraft Specialist Gifts

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Just be yourself."

'They all want to play the star.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Theatre Masks and Butts

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"Toi Toi Toi!"

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Woman crying with happiness.

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

Waving from Behind the Curtain

'Hello, I'm your understudy.'

Broadway Moosical.

I Pagliacci

'I'm a star!'

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

Toenail clipping missile.

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

E=Emcee Squared