Stagecraft Gifts

Ventriloquist and dummies.

'They all want to play the star.'

"It's done with cables, son. Not performance-enhancing drugs."

"Just be yourself."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

Falstaff

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'Hello, I'm your understudy.'

Toenail clipping missile.

E=Emcee Squared

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

David Hockney

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

"Well, that's show business."

A Scene From 'Henry V'.

"Returns"

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

David Hockney

"Let’s run through that scene again with just the table and the lamp."

Otto von Bismarck

Janitor sweeping music notes off of concert stage.

'I'm here in case one of the actors actually does break a leg.'

Stage producer.

Turandot

Backstage at the Globe Theater. I'm going to practice my soliloquy one more time. To be or not to be that is the question ... Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Excuse me, it's showtime. Break a leg! You too! I guess you can't make a "Hamlet" without breaking a few legs!

David Hockney

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

Ramon was a polished performer, but this was madness. . . A square peg in a round hole, unassisted, and blindfolded!!

Actors' dispute.

'It's a Sam Shepard play with the usual props - burnt toast, live animals, and a penis or two.'