Proctologists Gifts

"I wish my hemorrhoid would shrink."

Proctologists on Thanksgiving

"Airport security is really getting tough."

Ethics exam cheater.

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"I told the doctor about my problems with anxiety and burnout and he wrote me a prescription for me an one for himself."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'