Proctor Gifts

"Above all do not open your sealed test booklets until you are told to do so!"

Proctor addressing a university student

'It's not my fault! My dad channel surfs constantly!'

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"Welcome to the future"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Ethics exam cheater.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

Big Bang Theory.

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Albert Einstein

Fear/Knowledge

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'But I digress...'

Eternal Student.

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'