Exam Proctor Gifts

Ethics exam cheater.

"I don't get it. If it's an aptitude test, why didn't they let me use my apps?"

To discourage cheating, SAT organizers announced that undercover agents would be present to put down wrong answers.'

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"I'm always surprised at the amount of English Usage inspired by the Math Preview section of the ACT."

No child left below

"Eyes on your own paper!"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Nervous Oral Testing

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"How'd I do on the test?"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."