Pathologist Gifts

"Was the coroner able to establish the cause of death constable?"

'I've narrowed the diagnosis down to 16 possibilities.'

'Anyway, to make a long story short, the medical examiner who performed your autopsy was fired.'

"I'm not sure what's wrong with you. We'll have to wait for the results to come back from the autopsy."

Elvis' autopsy

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

'Quick, Henson - seal the exits, call the police and get a pathologist in here to determine the exact time he left the payroll!'

"It's a little late for a second opinion - this is the autopsy."

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over."

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

'Good, our side's winning!'

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"

'At the old woman who swallowed a fly's post-mortem'

Bored at the City Morgue.

'Most of my time in this racket has been plain old hard work.

"Some trainees find the post-mortem an eviscerating experience but you'll get used to it."

"It says here she also swallowed a fly, but there is no reason why she swallowed a fly. It all sort of spiralled from there. Poor old lady."

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

"You're lucky. If it wasn't for the autopsy, we never would've caught it."

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

"It's thought he may have choked on his dying words."

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."

"Stomach content analysis shows that he was still alive when we opened his stomach."

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

I hate to autopsy magicians.

The Forensic Paleontologist

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

"Killed by a single bullet to the chest - his heart was obviously in the right place."

"I still think it's inappropriate to put emoticons in your coroner's report."

"Cause of death? - He was struck on the head..."

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

Trump takes care of future-proof jobs!