Hepatologist Gifts

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

On board the MS Hepatology

"Your liver test results are not good at all Mrs Goose: are you being force-fed?"

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Our war is against cancer."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Cardiac Recovery.

Physician tending a mummy.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."