Herpetologist Gifts

'Is it true? You've been selling your venom to pharmaceutical companies to make anti-venom? Traitor!'

A snake eats evolving animals.

Caution. Slow drivers ahead searching for snakes on the road.

For the last time, Mr. Clooney - That's not what we do here.

'Hey stranger: Are you a squeezy-type or a bity-type?'

"This snake measures 24 inches."

A snake bites his lip - 'I hope I'm not poisonous, I just bit my lip!'

"Yes, I do have amazing jumping power but I only eat performance enhancing bugs."

"You can hide, but you can't run."

'Hmph! I never buy re-tail!'

Snake Dress-Up

The Annual Gathering of the Chameleons

'Don't panic. It's not an alligator. It's a smaller, less aggressive cousin...'

When no one is looking the snakes come out to play.

"For goodness sake Timmy, stay out of the shade!"

"Yeah, I see what you mean. If it's been like this for weeks, you definitely have a digestion problem..."

'Actually, Bert, that's a common mistake. This here's an alligator. Crocodiles have a more rounded, U-shaped snout.'

"Does he bite?"

"Hey, how come our names aren't on the plaque?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'You know, I could really go for a wafer-thin mint.'

"Sorry. Cash only."

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

'Oh, that's just a harmless Garter snake. They're not deadly.'

"Some enchanted evening you may see a stranger, you may see a stranger across a crowded room..."

"Don't you worry, Mr. Kiernan—we'll have you out of there in no time!"

"You don't have any silly thing about snakes, do you?"

"What's confusing is exactly how we're supposed to have sex."

"So we`re going out and you haven`t even bothered to change?"

"Look! A stripper!"

"So much for quiet grace of the sea turtle."

"Of course he does. . . all snakes have great abs!"

"I warned you that tattoo wouldn't change colour."

"Dinner's almost ready, you better not have eaten anything on the way home!"

"All these years I've been meaning to ask. . . are you male or female?"