Herpetologist Gifts

'Is it true? You've been selling your venom to pharmaceutical companies to make anti-venom? Traitor!'

A snake eats evolving animals.

Caution. Slow drivers ahead searching for snakes on the road.

"This snake measures 24 inches."

For the last time, Mr. Clooney - That's not what we do here.

A snake bites his lip - 'I hope I'm not poisonous, I just bit my lip!'

'Hey stranger: Are you a squeezy-type or a bity-type?'

"You can hide, but you can't run."

"Hey, how come our names aren't on the plaque?"

"Sorry. Cash only."

The Annual Gathering of the Chameleons

"Yes, I do have amazing jumping power but I only eat performance enhancing bugs."

'Hmph! I never buy re-tail!'

Snake Dress-Up

'Oh, that's just a harmless Garter snake. They're not deadly.'

'You know, I could really go for a wafer-thin mint.'

'Don't panic. It's not an alligator. It's a smaller, less aggressive cousin...'

"For goodness sake Timmy, stay out of the shade!"

'Actually, Bert, that's a common mistake. This here's an alligator. Crocodiles have a more rounded, U-shaped snout.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

"Yeah, I see what you mean. If it's been like this for weeks, you definitely have a digestion problem..."

When no one is looking the snakes come out to play.

"O.K., now do you see a giant snake? I'm inside the snake."

"They found tadpole pictures on my computer."

"All these years I've been meaning to ask. . . are you male or female?"

Man with lizard t-shirt comes across a lizard with a man t-shirt.

Bird escaping it's egg

Reptile Extinction

"My poops have been so weird lately."

"So much for quiet grace of the sea turtle."

"I warned you that tattoo wouldn't change colour."

"Dinner's almost ready, you better not have eaten anything on the way home!"

"Next time let go of the food sooner!"

"Let's try that 'ribbit' one more time."