Herpetology Humorist Gifts

"Babysitting him will be easy: He's just been fed and will be lethargic..."

'Sexy snakes' magazine...

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

"Too much concealer?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

Hats and Food

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Scuba cow"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Jurassic Pork.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."