Herpetology Gifts

'Is it true? You've been selling your venom to pharmaceutical companies to make anti-venom? Traitor!'

"Everything I eat goes straight to my ass."

"Nope, I'm squeezing as hard as I can, that is one stuck pig."

'Don't just sit there! Give me a hand!'

If it's a really good deal, don't ask why. You don't want to know.

'To help you overcome your fear of snakes, I've arranged for you to give a public speech on the subject.'

Caution. Slow drivers ahead searching for snakes on the road.

For the last time, Mr. Clooney - That's not what we do here.

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

"This snake measures 24 inches."

'If that tongue leaves your mouth I'm gonna cut it off.'

''Rollover' is your new trick? Dude, what were you thinking?'

Snake in desert: 'home, sweet home' Frog: 'kinda dry, isn't it?'

'Uh oh... cramp!'

'Lizards think they have it tough! They should slither a mile in our shoes!'

"You can hide, but you can't run."

"Hey, how come our names aren't on the plaque?"

When no one is looking the snakes come out to play.

"I'm fascinated by body language."

"Sorry. Cash only."

The Annual Gathering of the Chameleons

'I think I see what the problem is, but I'll send you down for some X-rays just to make sure.'

'Venom is your solution to EVERYTHING!'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

Alright, who had the last toddler?

'If it works, Andy, you can expect a visit from the skin fairy tonight, ready?'

"Yes, I do have amazing jumping power but I only eat performance enhancing bugs."

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

'Hmph! I never buy re-tail!'

Snake Dress-Up

Monitor Lizard.

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

Rattlesnake Roundup: 'We need better PR!'

'Actually, Bert, that's a common mistake. This here's an alligator. Crocodiles have a more rounded, U-shaped snout.'

'Oh, that's just a harmless Garter snake. They're not deadly.'