Procrastination Punsters Pillows

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'We're under a lot of time-pressure here, so we'll need to jump to conclusions.'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"Hey, how did you get your vaccine before me?"

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

In and Out Box

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

Hamlet.

"Can you give me some sort of metaphor for how you're feeling?"

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

'It's too early to start being good for Christmas. I always wait until at least the Thanksgiving left-overs are all gone.'

'I can't remember why I came here either.'

"Operator, I'd like to make a person-to-person call, and I'd like to reverse the roles."

It was another quiet day for Johnson.

"I take it the tortoise wasn't available."

'Not now Susan - I'm busy.'

"How long have you been suffering from anthropomorphism?"

Freud Met Santa...

Psychobabble.

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

'It's OK, we're letting the lumber age.'