Programming Punster Pillows

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Sweep the board.

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

Dogs life

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

Kamikaze Colour

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'