Pugilism Punster Pillows

'Go on, give it brain damage.'

"I've been going to Boxercise classes, so far I've lost two stones and four teeth."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Sweep the board.

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

Dogs life

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

Kamikaze Colour

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

Richard the Turd