Putting Punster Pillows

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

I think you're ace

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Sweep the board.

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'Iguana know what time it is.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dogs life

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Dog Walker

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."