Pudding Punsters Pillows

"Do you think there might be a bitcoin in it?"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

Public toiletsbathrooms for dogs using fire hydrants in cubicals.

A Tongue Stud.

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

A dog reads a newspaper

"Don't be fooled - that's Henrietta, cross-dressing again."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

Hamlet.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'Nice try, Billy, but dogma is not a puppy's mother!'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"Seats in all parts!"

His Other Shtick

'Play dead.'

"Jack Russell?"

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

Happy Hour 5-6, but don't read a lot into it.

Fart. Le Poot.

What's For Dessert

'Why didn't you tell us that you'd put coins in the Christmas pudding?'

Unlike other places, around here "take a load off" means "get back to work."

"I'd like to talk about the existence of deviled eggs among the lay-ity."

Blue-nosed pointer: 'Naughty, naughty!'

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."