Pudding Punsters Gifts

"Do you think there might be a bitcoin in it?"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

A Tongue Stud.

Public toiletsbathrooms for dogs using fire hydrants in cubicals.

A dog reads a newspaper

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Hamlet.

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

"Don't be fooled - that's Henrietta, cross-dressing again."

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'Nice try, Billy, but dogma is not a puppy's mother!'

"Seats in all parts!"

His Other Shtick

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'Play dead.'

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

"Jack Russell?"

Fart. Le Poot.

What's For Dessert

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

'Why didn't you tell us that you'd put coins in the Christmas pudding?'

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."

Blue-nosed pointer: 'Naughty, naughty!'

"I blame his old careers teacher myself, it was him who suggested he did a bank job."