Puncture Punster Pillows

Fakir Repairs

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

I think you're ace

Sweep the board.

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Kamikaze Colour

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

'Shuck me.'

Richard the Turd

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

Flan-eating bacteria