Punchline Punster Pillows

"Careful, Rocky. You're about to give away the secret behind your knockout punches."

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Dogs life

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

A Tongue Stud.

"Smite him, my son!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

Comedy Rule

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

His Other Shtick

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."

'Now look what you've done. I told you that I wanted a fair fight... making fun of his trunks is hitting below the belt.'

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

"...so he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, "All right, potassium chloride.""

"Nurse, can you send in the interpreter for Senora Delgado?"

"You're right- things are funnier in threes."

"Cool! The boss just fist bumped me!"

'I saw the light during my near death experience, but it turned out to be in my refrigerator.'

I brought two #1 pencils.

"My computer has a virus. I'm calling in sick."

"Watch out for his left jab."