Punchline Perfectionist Pillows

'I hope you realise that punching my colleague constitutes an abuse of an official picket line.'

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

'No, not that one, too Woody Allen...'

"You need to work on some new material."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'Your teet are okay, but you gums will have to come out.'

"Nurse, can you send in the interpreter for Senora Delgado?"

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

Snowprov

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"Smite him, my son!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Chicken: the one-man show

Boxing Trainer: 'And watch out for this fella. He has a huge Left Hook.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

Phill Jupitus

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

Comedy Rule

I would love to learn Karate, but Dad insists I do Boxing instead: He says I have natural disposition for it...

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

'He has a great left hook,'

Have you been living in the moment, Al? Living in the moment? I thought you said I should be living it up in the moment! Frankly, the hangovers are killing me!

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'