Punchline Pugilist Pillows

'Now look what you've done. I told you that I wanted a fair fight... making fun of his trunks is hitting below the belt.'

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Smite him, my son!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

Comedy Rule

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'I know I can count on you... that's the problem.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'You had a lunch date, but I cancelled it because it was your turn to pay.'