Punchline Pugilist Gifts

'Now look what you've done. I told you that I wanted a fair fight... making fun of his trunks is hitting below the belt.'

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"Smite him, my son!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Chicken: the one-man show

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Comedy Rule

Phill Jupitus

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'I know I can count on you... that's the problem.'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.