Punchline Pros Gifts

"Cool! The boss just fist bumped me!"

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"Smite him, my son!"

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

Comedy Rule

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Phill Jupitus

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been wonderful, you've been the audience - goodnight!"