Punchline Enthusiasts Gifts

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

"Tomorrow I've got to go to the dentist... I'm afraid it will hurt!"

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Smite him, my son!"

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

Phill Jupitus

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

Comedy Rule

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

Cat boxer

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."