Primitive Punchline Enthusiasts Gifts

'I don't know what it is -- They invented it, and immediately started fighting over it.'

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"Smite him, my son!"

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"I think we should get a dog."

Phill Jupitus

Comedy Rule

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

Have you been living in the moment, Al? Living in the moment? I thought you said I should be living it up in the moment! Frankly, the hangovers are killing me!

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Your early stuff was funnier."

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'I heard he was funny.'

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."