Primitive Punchline Enthusiasts Gifts

'I don't know what it is -- They invented it, and immediately started fighting over it.'

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"Smite him, my son!"

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Comedy Rule

"I think we should get a dog."

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

"Nurse, can you send in the interpreter for Senora Delgado?"

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."