Punchline Aficionado Pillows

'Remember... Don't get cocky.'

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"Smite him, my son!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Chicken: the one-man show

Comedy Rule

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

Cat boxer

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

"Nurse, can you send in the interpreter for Senora Delgado?"

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."