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Sure, I'll help you cross the road - but I'd like to know why.

'Remember... Don't get cocky.'

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"Smite him, my son!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Comedy Rule

Phill Jupitus

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

"Your early stuff was funnier."

Cat boxer

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.