Punchline Appreciator Pillows

Comedians: Before and after political corectness.

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

F&E Pharmacy. This lotion you sold me is awful! Your store is terrible. Don't rub it in.

'Both of us must have got the date wrong...'

'You had a lunch date, but I cancelled it because it was your turn to pay.'

'Just tell the joke - forget the mission statement about your commitment to humour.'

'Ok Mr Cook jump! It's the perfect hangover cure.'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'After the fight I was given a cup... To keep my teeth in.'

Phill Jupitus

Boxer losing to punchbag.

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been wonderful, you've been the audience - goodnight!"

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Smite him, my son!"

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Comedy Rule

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'