Probate Gifts

"Apparently he took it all with him."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"I got probation."

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

Kenneth Clark

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'My cat died this morning. This is a legal nightmare. There are nine wills.' color

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

Robojudge US patent pending

"I want to leave everything to my cat."

"Well...in that case you could consider our eco burial."

Attorney. He left money in his will to build a casino. Why? He wanted to leave the world a bettor place.

"And to my wife who hated my bellyaching,I leave my ulcer..."

The Controversial Will

Musical request "Can you play 'Get me to my parole officer on time'?"

'It's an experimental form of house arrest. You're confined and fed massive doses of moral fiber.'

'Well it was his request to be burried in a flat-pack coffin.'

"I'm leaving my subconscious to science."

"Since you've been here, you've caused nothing but mayhem and and trouble - please, please leave."

'You know, your estate never did pay my bill!'

"And finally after you've read the will, laugh out loud and say I changed my mind and it's all been given to the dog."