Probate Pillows

"Apparently he took it all with him."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"I got probation."

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'My cat died this morning. This is a legal nightmare. There are nine wills.' color

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

Robojudge US patent pending

"Well...in that case you could consider our eco burial."

"I want to leave everything to my cat."

"And to my wife who hated my bellyaching,I leave my ulcer..."

The Controversial Will

"I'm leaving my subconscious to science."

'Well it was his request to be burried in a flat-pack coffin.'

Musical request "Can you play 'Get me to my parole officer on time'?"

'It's an experimental form of house arrest. You're confined and fed massive doses of moral fiber.'

"Since you've been here, you've caused nothing but mayhem and and trouble - please, please leave."

'You know, your estate never did pay my bill!'

"And finally after you've read the will, laugh out loud and say I changed my mind and it's all been given to the dog."

'Yes, I'm willing to accept the job on a 90-day probational basis. Do I report to my former probation officer?'