Dealing With Probate Pillows

The Controversial Will

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

"She used to shop until she dropped, but with online shopping, we lost that protection."

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

The Heirs

"....And are you willing to stand your mothers-in-laws' bleating until the divorce court do you apart?"

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'

"Hang in there. If you win this bout, you get to fight his mother."

'I 'Marvo the magician', being of right mind...have taken it with me.'

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

'In school red ink is bad, just like with Daddy's failed start-up.'

'Here's where your father geocached your inheritance.'

"Apparently he took it all with him."

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

"She left you nothing. Sorry for your loss."

Foreclosure.

'You know, your estate never did pay my bill!'

"I'm leaving my subconscious to science."

"Being of sound mind, you must know that I'm leaving you absolutely nothing."

"I'll read the will."

"And I being of sound find authorise that my entire stock of kryptonite be distributed amongst the citizens of Planet Zug.."

"He intends to die with dignity. He desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

'The good news is, your heirs won't be fighting over your will for awhile.'