Dealing With Probate Gifts

The Controversial Will

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"That reminds me, we must sort out your will."

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

"She used to shop until she dropped, but with online shopping, we lost that protection."

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

"....And are you willing to stand your mothers-in-laws' bleating until the divorce court do you apart?"

The Heirs

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'

"Hang in there. If you win this bout, you get to fight his mother."

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

'I 'Marvo the magician', being of right mind...have taken it with me.'

'In school red ink is bad, just like with Daddy's failed start-up.'

"Apparently he took it all with him."

'Here's where your father geocached your inheritance.'

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

"He didn't leave much - just a lot of unanswered questions..."

"She left you nothing. Sorry for your loss."

Foreclosure.

'You know, your estate never did pay my bill!'

"I'm leaving my subconscious to science."

"And I being of sound find authorise that my entire stock of kryptonite be distributed amongst the citizens of Planet Zug.."

"I'll read the will."

"Being of sound mind, you must know that I'm leaving you absolutely nothing."

"He intends to die with dignity. He desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."