Probate Reading Gifts

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

Waiting Room For Godot.

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

"Out today due to foreseen circumstances."

Big Medium

Fortune teller describes to angler the size of the fish he's going to catch.

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

"Your life will soon resemble a soggy old clump of leaves."

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

'Will I ever catch my tail?'

'It says: 'No refills until your primary care physician is released from jail'...'

"I've come to judge some books by their cover."

"As per your father's wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life -- or lack thereof!"

'Hold up everyone. I read that last part wrong. She wants you to divide the 'cash' equally.'

'The good news is that you've inherited something from your father. The bad news is, it's his huge nose.'

"Apparently he took it all with him."

RIP Dr. Tom Kent: In my absence contact Dr. G. Hall

I had better days. R.I.P.

Manna Helper

Maxim Gorky.

The Controversial Will

'... And to Mable, I leave whatever was on the trap at the time of my death. '

Samson Gets Off at Fourteen

"There's nothing left. He made sure all his accounts were hacked."

'I, Jackson Kluck, being of unsound mind, spent it all on therapy.'