Pet Probate Ponderer Pillows

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'White meat or dark?'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

Human meat.

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Walking on Water

"I love the part when they scream, 'Hey! That's no log!'..."

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

Fish Food

"Who's next?"

'Oh, that is so simplistic. Why must you always see the world in black and white?'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'We're going on a little vacation, and we were wondering if you folks would mind taking care of Spot.'

"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."

"Sorry I'm late. It took me forever to find this place."

'Journey of self-discovery' Dog realizes he can make his leg move when he scratches.

This could be interesting...

He's at that confusing stage between chasing his own tail or the mail carrier's.

'I bark, therefore I am.'

Square root of chicken is egg.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

"We're not so different, you and I."

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

'Happy Xmas!'