Pet Care Ponderer Pillows

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'We're going on a little vacation, and we were wondering if you folks would mind taking care of Spot.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

Fish Food

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Who's next?"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

'Oh, that is so simplistic. Why must you always see the world in black and white?'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

'Journey of self-discovery' Dog realizes he can make his leg move when he scratches.

This could be interesting...

He's at that confusing stage between chasing his own tail or the mail carrier's.

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

Square root of chicken is egg.

'I bark, therefore I am.'

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

'Come on girls, can you at least pretend I rule the roost when the farmer is around...'