Pet Ponderer Pillows

Limits of Canine Philosophical Inquiry.

'I bark, therefore I am.'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

"What do cats want?"

"We're not so different, you and I."

Fish Food

'Eat, drink, sleep... chase bitches... there's gotta be something else!'

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"So you found an enormous truffle and still you weren't happy."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Human meat.

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"I love the part when they scream, 'Hey! That's no log!'..."

Walking on Water

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

"Who's next?"

"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."

'Oh, that is so simplistic. Why must you always see the world in black and white?'

'We're going on a little vacation, and we were wondering if you folks would mind taking care of Spot.'

This could be interesting...

'Journey of self-discovery' Dog realizes he can make his leg move when he scratches.

He's at that confusing stage between chasing his own tail or the mail carrier's.

Square root of chicken is egg.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

"I'm beginning to think I'm the only one without a dog."

'He's made of polly-ethelene.'

"Wait, THEY think WE'RE gross?"